I’ve just come back from a two week class abroad to Scandinavia (Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Iceland) and it was incredible! Although my weight loss and health goals had to be put on the backburner for multiple reasons (yes, of course I did drink…maybe a bit too much…oops) I really did have a great time doing different activities with the class, my friends, and even by myself. I ended up taking walks by myself and getting lost (only to be found again) in Stockholm, Copenhagen, and Reykjavík. It wasn’t lonely, in fact I’ve realized that I’m so at peace when I’m by myself. I can just have my own time to breathe and take in all the beauty around me.
I walked down side streets alone and took routes I couldn’t even find on a map. I was alone but it was such a cherished loneliness. I’m really trying to cherish my loneliness the way I used to. Before college and becoming so accustomed to always being around someone, whether it was a roommate or friend, I was always alone and yes, sometimes I did mind it, but most of the time it was something I was so used to that it didn’t bother me. College introduced me to this world where people were always accessible. I’m trying to get out of that world. I don’t want to be so dependent on other peoples company in order to entertain myself.
Sorry for the side story…anyways, I was walking around and overwhelmed with so much gratitude to be in such beautiful places. Places, mind you, I would have never thought to even visit! It’s crazy how life brings you such surprises.
While on these walks I ended up thinking about people and life and school etc. I believe that these walks, in a way, ended up helping to gear me towards what I really want to do. I’m not trying to be dramatic. I don’t think that these walks gave me any sort of epiphany or made me learn a life lesson. But honestly, what I did realize is that dammit this is what I want! I want to be financially free and save my money so that, while I’m still in my twenties, I can go abroad and create relationships with strangers who eventually become family and I can see beautiful art and feast my eyes on the worlds phenomenal beauty. I want to do all of this. I want to go down the road less traveled. The vast majority of people go to college, get their degrees, enter the work force and become stable for their own family. While this is all amazing and great. For me…I’ve truly come to realize within the past year and a half, that I don’t want that.
Of course I want success. Of course I want love and family. In fact, I believe love is one of if not the most important thing in life. And I am well aware that the upcoming years after college most likely involve me staying home and paying bills so that I can accomplish this goal of mine. I just want to be free. Free to be a fucking waitress if that’s what makes me happy. I want to meet interesting people who can broaden my perspective more than reading a library book can. I want to be around people who constantly remind me how much of a blessing it is to be alive through their words and actions.
In the words of Ben Johnson (who I adore), “I will become what I desire.” Life is too short to do anything less than that.