Dear men who body shame the women I love:
I could start this by asking you bluntly what the hell is wrong with you. But I already know. You’ve been conditioned this way. You’ve been conditioned to analyze and hungrily search for what you want out of a woman sexually; just as much as we women have been conditioned to mold ourselves every which way to try and please the male gaze.
I get it.
But I don’t respect it. Not one bit.
The thing that really makes me wonder is this: why stay with these women if their bodies disgust you so much? If you’re going to compare them or feel displeased by them physically?
I guess you can make the argument that you love them, that they’re unique, one in a million, that you’ve never met another woman like her. She dazzles you in some way. She’s a great cook. An intellect. A wonderful wife or girlfriend.
And she is. She’s phenomenal and I’m proud to have these women in my life.
But if she is all of those things, why don’t you honor her more? Why don’t you respect her more? Why not keep these criticisms to yourself about what they’re eating or what they’re body looks like. You fuck her, lay with her each night, kiss and hold her when she’s crying or having a bad day, or simply in the kitchen making something for you, but yet you say words that disrespect her home, the vessel of her beautiful soul and mind – her body.
I’ve watched you grab her stomach and arms, whispering insults under your breath. Watched you criticize what she orders at restaurants and monitoring her intake as if you’re her doctor. Heard stories of you tell her another woman’s body is better looking than hers and that you were tempted to some degree.
We all have our hang ups. We’ve all been through some shit that has shaped us and hurt us deeply. We all have insecurities. And us women have more pressure on us to fit a certain beauty standard within society. It’s enough to hear it from outside sources constantly, so why would we need it from a lover too?
This is all coming from someone who has yet to experience a long-lasting successful relationship. So you may be thinking: what do you know anyways? Well, what I do know is that any man I have ever shared my body with, even if it was just a kiss, touched me with passion and respect. Loved my body and even shared his french fries with me instead of making me feel a certain way about my weight. Told me I was attractive just the way I was; no breast augmentation, no weight loss formulas….just me.
I know these men exist.
The men who would devour and love and respect these women for who they are and what they think and yes – fat rolls and all. Who would not compare them to supermodels or poke at their bodies saying rude things like, “you could work on this.”
And if you don’t stop body shaming them and adding the extra unnecessary pressure and stress to fit into some stupid, unrealistic, disgusting mold of a woman…she will surely find another. One who will love her for her and stand by her making sure she is loved and supported in every single way. Make her feel beautiful in her skin.
She’s someone I love. She’s kind and warm and funny and – in my opinion – too forgiving towards you and your shit.
Get it together, fuck boy. Before someone else does.