I need you to remember this moment right now. Whenever you feel guilt or lost or crazy, come back to this letter, and read it. Again, and again, and again, and again.
Until you get it through your head.
You’re not wrong. You’re not crazy. You’re filled with so much love and appreciation. You are literally the Universe experiencing itself.
This moment right now, where you came to work in a seemingly good mood and then walked through the double glass doors and had to make a pit stop at the bathroom to cry. Praying to God. Praying to any deity that would hear you: “Please, please God in heaven. Help me.”
Right now you’re not sure why you feel so miserable or so sad when you look around you and can count your blessings. Good old cognitive dissonance.
You sat down at your desk, and suddenly the urge to cry left you. You remembered that you have choices. Many. You heard a voice tell you, “travel.”
That’s the answer: travel.
The world is way too big and beautiful and gorgeous and you are far too blessed to feel like shit! And why? because of what other people think? because of your past? Because sometimes you just want to scream at anyone and everyone…even yourself.
There’s a huge world out there. I need you to know that there’s so much to explore and love and grasp with your own two hands. There’s so much. You have the world at your finger tips, yet you forget it all too often.
Be more kind to yourself. Your time for finding your “purpose” will come. And who knows what will happen once you travel. Who you will meet, where, what conversations you’ll have, what spiritual moments you’ll have, how many more gorgeous moments with God will you experience in various places of the world.
You deserve this. You owe it to yourself to stop your tears and go out there and experience LIFE.
You’re too young. You know so much better than this. You know that the world is bigger than this desk, than this company, than this job you can’t stand every couple of hours! You . need. more.
I’m begging you, Jess. For your own sanity. Quit or take a leave of absence, but do something! Make travel plans and write about it. Document it. Revel in your own mind and your own internal Universe. Bathe yourself in rose water and kind thoughts. Tell yourself that you’re unattached and so very free. Isn’t that what you’ve been seeking this entire time anyways?
I know you don’t feel it right now, but you’re alive kid. You’re alive! There’s so much beauty in that even though you’re blinded by misery and sadness and inadequacy so many times.
You’ll be okay. You are not your past. You are not what has happened to you. You are not emotional abuse. You are not your regrets or your shameful moments.
Travel. Make the plans. Make it happen. I believe in you. Stand firmly in your beliefs about anything and everything.
You’re not broken. You are whole and well.
You had a wonderful conversation last night with one of your dearest friends while walking around and looking up at the Strawberry Moon of the Summer Solstice.
She told you, “Jess you’ve come so far and you’re doing so well for yourself. Don’t listen to other people. Stop doubting yourself. I know you can’t see it now but you’ve really accomplished a lot.”
And you’ll continue to do so.
You are absolute magic.