I know, it’s been a long time, but it’s also been a very bumpy ride for me.
Tears, endless conversations, waking up in the middle of the night etc. I don’t know exactly what’s happening but I am looking forward to many good new days ahead (hopefully).
I haven’t received any of my books that I ordered online, some of them being Heal Your Life by Louise Hay and Awaken The Giant Within by Tony Robbins. I haven’t received them but I also haven’t finished The Power Of Now yet, but I’m most likely going to finish it this week, I only have about 40 pages left.
What truly gives me hope and what has been helping me a lot is learning about self-compassion, reading and learning about the power of mindfulness, praying daily as always, and the fact that….this girl just started therapy! And yes, it’s something I’m really happy about. I’ve always thought I needed to go to therapy and wanted to. Not necessarily because I think I’m “crazy”, but because I don’t know how to control my mind the way it should be controlled. There is definitely faulty thinking going on. And the shit is hard! You want to feel good, you don’t feel like you have control and yet it’s really the one responsibility you have! Your emotions, thoughts, your mental health – it’s all within your own control. You can’t blame anyone for the pain and mental suffering you can cause yourself sometimes. It’s under your control. And I’m really fucking tired of not having it under control.
Things I’ve accomplished with this Soul Class thus far?
- Releasing some resistance
- Learning to meditate better
- Not hanging out with people who don’t make me feel good or right when hanging out with them
- Taking time day and night to focus on my vision board and manifesting certain things.
- Starting therapy (FINALLY)
- Figuring out more and more what it is I do want to do with my life
Now, yes I understand that it’s no one else’s responsibility to make me feel good or happy. However, we also have to be very careful with who we surround ourselves with! When you surround yourself with people who are open-minded, flying high, vibrating at a high frequency and who are sparks; you too will learn how to do so. People who are healthy and loving and super positive and adventurous is what I’m looking for! I don’t want to surround myself with people who make underhanded remarks that hurt me and then toss it off as a “joke”, or people who are overly critical or people who only want to sit around and drink all night and day. I love me a good drink but damn, let’s do something else!
I know that people are often – if not every single time – a mirror of ourselves. I know that also, there are some spiritual teachers who say that people are not a mirror of ourselves, but rather they are reflecting their own world that they live in and therefore we shouldn’t take anything personally. Whatever perspective you want to pay attention to, or whatever you believe is true, there’s no doubt that either way, it’s important to tend to our own health and happiness which therefore does in fact change our social circle.
If you know what you deserve in friendships and relationships, you’ll get rid of all the emotionally abusive friendships and relationships and you’ll get rid of all those that even though they might not be abusive, they simply do not serve you anymore.
It’s just fact. Change yourself, and your outside world changes as well.
I am working on myself, by myself and for myself. And I want to leave all the negative energy – in all of its forms – behind me before my 24th birthday.
I’m making progress.
Slowly but surely.